“At the end of the day, it isn’t where I came from. Maybe home is somewhere I’m going and never have been before.”
A small topic that I would like to talk about in this newsletter is – Home!
On a particularly pleasant evening in January, while strolling on the terrace, my cousin (who is back here in the city for a while after having spent a few years in the States) asked me – Do you feel at ‘home’ in Mumbai? How do you know you are ‘Home’?
Home! One word, all-encompassing.
What is home? How does anyone define home?
If asked to define ‘home’, we would all define it uniquely as per our understanding.
Everyone’s 'home' is different.
If someone asked me this in a social setting, I would have come up with a list of things that would mean home to me:
- Home is a place that is warm and welcoming
- Home is a feeling
- Home is a person you are in love with
- Home is a friend
- Home is where the chai tastes just perfect
- Home is where the pillow and bedsheets are cuddly
- Home is where hugs warm your heart
- Home is holding hands
- Home is and can be so many small things
But, how do you know if you are home? There was a time a few years ago when I wanted to leave home, go out, and explore more. When I did, I found a home amongst five other beautiful souls who had also left their countries to explore more. When I came back to Mumbai, for months I felt not quite at home. I was home, but not really, still waiting, still searching, still seeking another. Months passed but the feeling of searching for what and where home is, ebbs and flows like a tide, on most days.
Have you ever felt far away from home, despite sitting in the comfort of your home or chosen home?
The terrace conversation reminded me of Kwon Rabin's book titled I am home but I still want to go home. (I found the title hilarious back then and still do, but the irony is not lost).
Nevertheless, the time spent at ‘home’ during the pandemic had me question ‘what is home’ far too many times. And the answer has always been arbitrary in my thoughts.
Even now, more than a decade later of living in my current residential address, it is my childhood home that I dream of. Sometimes, I daydream of a home that I want to live in – surprisingly the walls of which are fluid but the essence the feeling of being within those walls feels like home. So vague.
Most of us would simplify the answer to – ‘Home’ is a feeling.
Maya Angelou once said,
“The ache for home lives in all of us. The safe place where we can go as we are and not be questioned.”
Maybe which is why we seek a home in people. People incite feelings in us. We say phrases like – they feel like home.
But humans are tangible, ever-changing, ever-evolving. Isn’t it why a home might be something that is always fluid and the one we seek might not even be formed yet, it simply exists in the figment of our thoughts?
What I really wanted to tell myself (all those nights when I obsessively questioned ‘What is home? Am I home?’) and also to my cousin that evening was – ‘I don’t know. I simply do not know if I am home if this really is home. I don’t know if I will ever stop searching for a home.’ We have a really hard time dealing with the ‘I don’t know’ phase. But here’s what I have been trying to comprehend, sometimes ‘I don’t know’ is the only place we can be.
And as Warsan Shire said,
“At the end of the day, it isn’t where I came from. Maybe home is somewhere I’m going and never have been before.”
That's it for this one! Until the next one, enjoy some random glimpses of 2022 from my gallery!
Love! Holding hands with Nani.
Is it even my newsletter if I do not include a picture of a cup of chai!
A beautiful rare wintery night in Mumbai, the temperature was 19 degrees!
Gorgeous sunsets are always humbling!
This dog sleeping cosily on a chilly night!
(Occasional) Selfie that I clicked before a fun Family Dinner!
As always a song recommendation - this song always makes me happy, any hour of the day or night. If you haven’t heard this one, please do so tonight – A Good Night by John Legend. Hope you enjoy it and it makes you sway happily!
Until next time!
Sending love, a warm hug and a warmer cup of chai (or coffee if you’d prefer that),
Krupa
