“Oh! Sorry…”
“I’m sorry…”
“Hey, sorry for…”
“Sorry, but…”
I’ve lost count of the number of times I say ‘sorry’, especially when I am not at fault, but simply as an involuntary reaction. And on the rare occasions when I somehow avoid the word ‘sorry’, I compensate for it by using the words ‘my apologies’ or ‘I apologise’.
I suffer like some of my fellow humans (especially women) from the classic ‘Sorry Syndrome’. People suffering from this syndrome tend to over-apologise for just about everything. They apologise for needing space, for needing help, for ‘bothering’ someone, for crying, for laughing loudly, for saying ‘no’ and often, they apologise for apologising.
I discovered I suffered from the ‘Sorry Syndrome’ during the third year of my Architecture Course. During my design presentation, while nervously fidgeting around, I stepped on my inanimate design model and instinctively started profusely apologising to it.
I discovered I suffered from the ‘Sorry Syndrome’ during the third year of my Architecture Course. During my design presentation, while nervously fidgeting around, I stepped on my inanimate design model and instinctively started profusely apologising to it.
My Design Instructor had the most unbelievable look on his face, and he asked, “Did you just apologise to your design model?”
And my response to his genuine question was, “Umm, yes, sorry!”
He scoffed at me, rightly so.
Over the years, thinking that I was being a nice, caring and non-conflicting person, I had become an over-apologiser. A classic confusion between being polite and being a people-pleaser.
I realised the severity of my problem when I once said, “Sorry that I say sorry too much!”
Wow!
Why did I apologise? Why do we apologise at all?
I understand human behaviour is interdependent, and we apologize when we breach someone’s trust or wrong them in any manner, or to restore the balance in that relationship or situation.
But why do some of us apologise to the extent of apologising for even having a well-formed opinion?
Much self-reflection over the past two years has helped me understand my need to apologise for no reason– it stemmed from a lack of self-confidence and low self-esteem while growing up.
Through conscious effort and training, I have come a long way and I apologise far lesser now, but it is still a work in progress. I am still learning how to be assertive without being apologetic, and how to communicate personally and professionally without being a pushover.
Though I do slip into my people-pleasing persona once in a while, I am now learning to snap myself out of it by simply forgiving myself for apologising.
Thus, for my future use, and if it extends to you as well, then please save this list of things for which you do not need to apologise (ever):
- For things you did not do
- For things you cannot control
- For things other adults did (parents, partner, or friends)
- For asking a question
- For needing help
- For how you look (height, weight, skin colour, hair, every aspect included)
- For your feelings
- For liking what you like, whom you like, why you like them
- For being yourself (exactly as you are!)
And if you do find yourself apologising for any of the above, learn to forgive yourself!
Forgive when hurt, forgive when wronged, but most crucially forgive yourself when you falter. It’s human to falter. So, forgive yourself often.
Besides, if you know of any cool tips and tricks to overcome ‘Sorry Syndrome’ do share them with me!
That’s all for this one! I am not sorry today and that’s okay! ;)
As always a song recommendation – Main Bola Hey by Karthik Rao. A song that makes me think of every single crush I have cherished since I was 13. Something so pure about being enamoured by someone, and by everything that they do at that age. Ahh! Bachpan Ka Pyaar!
(On that note, I am also glad most of those crushes didn’t come to fruition. Some people are best admired from a distance :P)
To the ones who are in a more hippy mood – OTW by Khalid. Perfect song for a long walk or just to feel a little sassy!
Before you go, enjoy a few favourites from my gallery!
Nani showed me this well-preserved vintage Polaroid. It is from the late 70s or so, Nani recalls, from a trip that she took with Nana to a place whose name she can no longer remember :)
Ink Painting in progress. I love drawing couples.
This gorgeous sky day in Bombay.
This unbelievably stunning autumn picture that my cousin shared.
Kashmiri Kaawah and Biscoff Cheesecake (you know, when you try to balance the calories)
Me from a beautiful winter morning!
Sending love, a warm cup of chai, and the strength to forgive, especially yourself, Krupa
